Font ResizeQ I have dated a divorced man for five years. Two years ago, he agreed, without consulting me, to keep a dog that belonged to his ex-wife and 10-year-old son over the weekend. Later that year, his ex-wife's brother was in town with his dog, and again, my boyfriend agreed to keep a dog without consulting me. Now, the ex-wife is going out of town with their now 12-year-old son, and my boyfriend has agreed to keep the dog while they are gone for four or five days. I have asked him continually not to agree to do something for his ex-wife without consulting me. Am I missing something here?
A What you're missing is that your boyfriend may not be consulting you for good reason.
Yes, you have been dating him for five years, but you are not living with him, and if he chooses to board 20 dogs, that's his prerogative.
We think you're using the word "consult" as a polite way of saying you would like your boyfriend to ask permission before he does anything for his ex or her family. With this in mind, we feel it is important to point out that, yes, the dog belongs to his ex, but it also belongs to his son, and although we don't necessarily find it a problem that he watches his ex's dog on occasion, we find it completely appropriate that he watches his son's dog.
We suggest you stand back and take a long, hard look at what you are asking your boyfriend to do — ask your permission before he does a favor for his son. It is often difficult for new partners to
If your relationship has not progressed past dating in five years, there's a reason. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are not on the same page.
Jann Blackstone-Ford and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, authors of "Ex-Etiquette for Parents," are the founders of Bonus Families (bonusfamilies. com). Reach them at ee@bonusfamilies.com.
