Q My husband's ex is always around and it drives me crazy. We still hang around the group of friends they had and she's there at every get-together. The only ones she's not at are the ones we have at our house, and there have been times when my new friends ask why she is not there. They have no kids together, so why does she have to be part of our lives?
A No kids? She doesn't have to be part of your life and if it's really bothering you, it sounds like it's time to have a talk with your husband.
Might seem a little late -- those are the kind of conversations you should have before you get married, but I'm not surprised you didn't. When you first get together with someone, you think you can overcome just about anything -- including exes being around all the time -- but if not taken care of, little things become big things and slowly drive a wedge between two people who really do care about each other.
Sometimes, people can just continue the same life before and after a break-up; they easily find a new person who is compatible with their "old" life. Sometimes, it's not that easy, as in your case. All that togetherness is just too much. Moving on after a break-up may mean moving to another city, state, possibly changing jobs, and more often than initially considered, finding a new group of friends.
Both of you have to figure out exactly what you expect from your relationship and then design it accordingly. You guys have the control -- but, if you have
Just for the record, if the ex is being too friendly, good ex-etiquette states that the object of the ex's affection is the one to establish the boundaries. Therefore, it would be your husband's responsibility to stop the advances by being very clear about what he expects from her. Frankly, if that is the case, I don't know why you (you as a couple) would put yourselves in that position.
If the ultimate goal is to make a life together, then start one. If you are just playing at it, that's what you are going to get -- a lot of games.
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