Q. When my husband and I got married, we lived with his mother. Everything was fine until I found out my husband's ex-girlfriend was still coming to our house to visit my mother-in-law. I asked my husband to say something, and his mom said she would stop seeing her. Then I read an entry on Facebook that said the ex was at my house when I was at work. I suggested we should move out, but Mom started crying and my husband felt so guilty he refused to move. I said it was me or Mom and we split up as a result. In recent months, we have started to talk again. However I just discovered I was excluded from a family event because my mother-in-law wanted to invite my husband's ex-girlfriend. I have had it. What do you think?

A. We think there are so many red flags planted in your back yard that there's little room for anything else. Basically, you told us you broke up with your husband because his mother wouldn't stop seeing his ex. Granted, there were all sorts of ins and outs to the story, but the bottom line is there was a power struggle between the two women in the house and your husband, being sort of a mama's boy, sided with mom.

You asked us what we think, and we think the way you all approached this situation was immature — beginning with relying on an Internet post for your information and ending with issuing ultimatums that backed you into a corner and forced you to do something drastic like breaking-up.

There must have been many signs before

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you said "I do" that hinted at how your husband and his mother related to one another. If you didn't see them, you probably didn't date long enough before tying the knot. And, if you did see them, we question why you made the decision to move in with her. Sometimes, moving in with in-laws is the perfect solution, especially in this economy, but there has to be a very frank discussion about boundaries and responsibilities before you move in together — and it doesn't sound like that took place.

We often hear complaints about in-laws staying close to their partner's ex. Continuing the relationship when there are children makes it a little easier to understand, but in the context you described, it might have been nice if Mom and the ex took it away from your home — shopping or perhaps coffee. Their lying about seeing each other does make it sound spiteful and contrived.

Finally, if you and your husband do reconcile, we suggest it's time to live your own lives, in your own home, making your own choices. Respect his mother, of course, but don't lose sight of the fact that the primary commitment in marriage is to each other.

Send questions to ee@bonusfamilies.com.