Q My 13-month-old son never sees his father because his father says he doesn't want to see me. But, every six weeks or so, he ends up coming over and not visiting with our son but talking to me the entire time and asking questions, making promises, asking for a reconciliation. I am so angry! And when I get angry, I get depressed. And when I'm depressed, I feel like I'm not being the mom to my son I should be. Please help me.

A Sounds like a pretty typical cycle after a break-up — and to stop the cycle, you have to make your boundaries very clear. That's tough if there is no custody/visitation order in place, so that is where we suggest you begin.

A custody/visitation agreement will ensure he has a specific time and place to pick up the child. It can also stipulate that if he doesn't show up within a certain amount of time, his visitation can be canceled. With a custody/visitation agreement in place, you will not be obliged to let him come over unannounced or arrange to see the child when you already have plans. Finally, if he didn't want to see you, he wouldn't be talking to you, making promises and suggesting reconciliation. That's a game he's playing with you — and himself.

To our readers: Word is that Jon and Kate are going to try "nesting," which means the kids stay in the house and Mom and Dad take turns moving in and out, doing alternate weeks with the kids.

We have seen this work — until one parent gets in a serious

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new relationship and then the new person does not want to move in and out of their partner's home on a weekly basis, possibly share the same bedroom as "the ex," same cups, same saucers, same towels. Of course the ex isn't there, but the ex's essence is all around — and that's just too much for most.

Still, we have to say, perhaps it's more necessary for Jon and Kate than for most. Conventional custody solutions in which the kids are going back and forth between Mom and Dad's homes are difficult to maneuver with one kid or two. Watching Jon and Kate getting eight kids ready to go anywhere is an entire show.

Watch for our comments on the situation on Twitter: twitter.com/exetiquette.

Jann Blackstone-Ford, Ph.D., and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, authors of "Ex-Etiquette for Parents," are the founders of Bonus Families (bonusfamilies.com). Reach them at ee@bonusfamilies.com.