Q I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 15 months. I moved in with him four months ago. He has two sons, 22 and 20. I have two daughters, 20 and 18. We are planning a Christmas together as a 'family,' which I am very excited about. So what is the proper gift etiquette? Should we give all the gifts to the kids from 'both' of us? Or should I give his kids a gift from me only? And what about him?

A Really good question — and something many families face this time of year.

Before we start, to prevent a barrage of e-mails asking us why we didn't take a stand for marriage, we have to say, if you are asking this question at this juncture, you and your significant other did not take the "Before" exercise we suggest all new couples with children take. It can be found on the Bonus Families Web site and asks couples specific questions to help them understand their relationship with each new family member. That said, here's a way to help you make your gift-giving decision.

Consider what your gift-giving statement is saying to your children if their primary present comes from both of you. If you make that choice, you are presenting yourself as a couple to your children.

We understand they are all adults, but the consideration is still the same as if they were younger. You are, and will always be, their role models. If you plan to marry, if you have commingled your bank accounts, if you both own the home you live in, then odds are you regard this as a

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committed relationship, and offering the primary present from both of you is appropriate. But if you plan on keeping things separate for now, then you may want the primary present to be just from Mom or Dad and a little something from both of you.

Living together means different things to different people. To some, it's a matter of convenience, something many of our readers find inappropriate, especially when young kids are involved. To others, the commitment is just as strong as marriage. Sounds like you may need to have a conversation with your significant other and decide how you want to portray your relationship to the outside world. Once you get clear on that, you will have your answer.

Jann Blackstone-Ford and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, authors of "Ex-Etiquette for Parents," are the founders of Bonus Families (bonusfamilies. com). Reach them at ee@bonusfamilies.com.