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Get forms back on time.
Open the backpack daily.
Don't do your child's homework.
These are tips on how to start the school year right with your child's teacher from veteran teacher Kilee Christnagel. An elementary school teacher in Minneapolis for 12 years, Christnagel now offers parent seminars and teacher workshops through her business Start Your Kids Engine and works part time as a teacher literacy coach in the Minneapolis Public Schools. We asked her what parents can do to foster good communication with teachers.
Q How can a parent start the school year right with her child's teacher?
A Most schools have a back-to-school night or some sort of open house. Those are important events not only for the child but also so parents can get a feel for the teacher and ask questions. Ask the teacher if she had a good summer, did anything interesting. Ask her how long she has been teaching. Be positive and let her know you're looking forward to working with her.
Q Some parents write a letter to their child's teacher at the beginning of the school year, describing the child's personality and pertinent information about home. Is this helpful or is it going to mark a parent as overly involved?
A I think it's a wonderful idea. There are a lot of schools that send home a form to solicit this type of information in early-childhood grades. If your school doesn't, it's still
My daughter has bloody noses all the time, and that was one of the things we wrote on the form because that's something that could alarm a teacher, a bloody nose that lasts a half hour!
Q What are some ways a parent can support the teacher?
A There are lots of forms that go home and need to be filled out, especially at the beginning of the school year. It's great when a parent can respond promptly. It saves the teacher from having to follow up.
And there's the backpack! In kindergarten, it's the parents' job to open that backpack every night. There are always three or four kids a year — I'll go into their backpack to look for a field trip form and I'm like, 'Oh my gosh, this hasn't been gone through in weeks!' So, go through that backpack every night. Just following the procedure is a huge help to teachers.
Q What are the biggest mistakes parents make in the way they interact with their child's teacher?
A If a parent has a concern, bring it to the teacher's attention, but make sure it's without the child present. When a parent confronts the teacher in front of the child, the child loses respect for the teacher, and if it's a discipline problem, it makes it harder for the teacher to discipline that child later. After the parent and I are on the same page, I might pull the child in for a conversation.
Also, don't be defensive when a teacher wants to talk to you about a behavior concern. I'm always on the child's side, but sometimes parents don't want to admit their child has issues that need work.
If the parents are willing to work with me, some of my most challenging students end up being my favorites because the parents were so wonderful. I talk to those parents the most, and when you talk to someone on a regular basis, you develop a relationship.
Q What behavior would earn a parent a "challenging" label?
A Someone who does not respect my time. I've had parents call me when school is in session and want to talk to me right then. It is a huge disruption to have my phone ring during the day. I need to stop teaching. I need to walk across the room and answer it, and I just hope my first-graders are going to be attentive when I come back to them.
I've had parents tell the school secretary it's urgent they reach me, and then it would be just to ask me how to do the homework.
So, if there is something to be discussed, make an appointment.
Q How do teachers prefer to be contacted?
A It really depends on the teacher. I like e-mail, and my district wants us to check our e-mail three times a day. It's nice because a parent can e-mail, 'My child is out sick today,' and a teacher can forward the message to the attendance office.
But some teachers aren't into computers. So, ask if the teacher would prefer phone calls, notes in the backpack or e-mail. Also, tell the teacher the best way and times to reach you.
Q Does it work to drop in before or after school to chat?
A Usually that works for me. But parents should realize teachers might have bus duty or other responsibilities. I have parents who will walk with me to help put kids on the bus. That's fine, but if you want 15 minutes of undivided attention or privacy to discuss something, make an appointment.
Q Parents often wish they knew more about what was happening in the classroom. What can they do to find out more?
A If you don't think you're getting the information you need, gently tell the teacher. Ask the teacher how you can be more informed. Some teachers are proactive and send a newsletter or e-mail every week to say what they're working on. Also the homework should be reflective of what is going on in the classroom.
Q Are there things a parent can do at home to support what the teacher is doing in the classroom?
A I talk a lot about the importance of reading to your child, especially a child entering kindergarten. If a parent reads to him, he is going to have the vocabulary he needs to become a fluent reader.
I have some parents who do homework for their child, and that is not helpful. When I taught early grades, I would send home an alphabet letter of the week for the child to practice. I saw the child's printing every day. I knew what it looked like. And then this nice and neat work came back in the homework folder. It was very obvious a grown-up had done it.
As a parent, I know it's hard to sit down and get everything done every night. But it's the process — not the product — that matters. So, if the homework is too hard and your child is frustrated or crying and it's taking an hour to do something, that's a problem. Frustration is the one thing teachers don't want. That shuts down learning. That's when you want to let the teacher know your child is struggling.
Q Should I volunteer to help in class if I have time?
A I haven't run across a teacher who doesn't want a parent in the classroom! I always have a couple of parents who contact me ahead of time and ask if I want help on the first day of school. Yes!
The first day of school is very chaotic. I put the parent volunteers in charge of supplies. I tell them to take them from the kids, sort them and check them off.
It's also nice to have those extra hands to help comfort someone. There are usually a couple of kids in the early grades who are crying and having a hard time.
Q What if I work during the day but still want to help out?
A I can understand not being able to help in the classroom. I missed my own daughter's first day of school because I was teaching at my school.
The PTA always needs support with fundraisers. And sometimes in early grades, I needed something laminated or cut out or colored, and I would send that work home in a student's backpack for a parent to do. I was very grateful. It really saved me time.
Q Last year, my third-grader forgot his homework a couple of times and called from school to ask me to bring it to him. What should I have done?
A I think when parents rescue their children and bring them their lunch or their homework, the children fail to learn the natural consequence and responsibility.
When my second-graders tell me, "My mom forgot to give me my Monday folder" or "My mom forgot to give me my lunch," I'm say, "Oh, did she forget or did you forget?" By second and third grade, the kids should be working on being responsible for their own things.
I recommend making a list of the things your child needs when he leaves for school every day. Use pictures or words, depending on whether your child is reading. Maybe he needs his lunch box, a hat and mittens. Put the list where he can see it.
When it's time to go to school, don't hand him his backpack. Instead, train him to look at the list. If you notice he is leaving the house without something, you say, "Did you read your list?" But you say it only once. This teaches a child a method of organization and a way to remember things on his own.
Maja Beckstrom can be reached at 651-228-5295.
ON MINNMOMS.COM
Do you have questions about how to create a good relationship with your child's teacher? Veteran teacher and parent educator Kilee Christnagel answered your questions.
