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When 60-year-old Sandy Meyer saw that there were no women over age 50 in our MinnMoms Mom Squad, she gave us a lecture worthy of any good mom.
"Be assured that a mom at age 60 is still a mom and a mom at 80 is still a mom — and they each have their own unique perspectives, unique duties and very unique stories when it comes to their children," Meyer wrote in an e-mail.
So, we asked Meyer — a mother, grandmother and church bookkeeper from Shoreview — to tell us her stories in the second installment of this new column, "How She Does It."
Q: You are a mom to two grown children, and a grandmother to two grandchildren, ages 10 and almost 5, with another granddaughter due soon. How have you seen the art of mothering change over the years?
A: There are so many more concerns thrown at moms now. Just now, I saw something on MinnMoms about chemicals in plastic. You are bombarded with so much of that. When I first had my children, we barely had car seats, a lot of kids still roamed the back seat. A lot the change has been good, but sometimes I think it has created an atmosphere of overprotection. "Ignorance is bliss" is a cliché, but it's true.
Q: Well, what did you worry about as a mom to small kids?
A: Safety issues with them playing hard, like falling out of a tree.
Q: What scares you now?
A: It's funny. I didn't worry about the car back then, but now, as a grandmother, I find that if I have
Q: What's in your grandmother survival kit?
A: Coffee for me — that's my one weakness. I drink a lot of coffee. A basket of toys and Fruit by the Foot (fruit roll-ups). It's a treat thing — they expect it from grandma! And I have a shelf taken over with children's books. If I see a neat book at a garage sale, I buy it and put it on the shelf. It's something that has kind of evolved, and I keep rotating books through it. I never point out the books to them, but whenever my granddaughter comes over, she will go to the shelf and see what's there. The latest one was "The Call of the Wild" by Jack London.
Q: Grandmothers are known to give advice, solicited or otherwise. How do you handle the advice issue?
A: Recently, my daughter was talking about how her pregnancy has been such a long haul and she was ready to be done, especially with all the doctor visits. I chided her, I got on my motherly throne and said, 'You should be happy you've brought the baby to term, there was a time when it looked like that wasn't going to happen, you could have been visiting the baby in the hospital every day as she fought for her life.' Afterward, I regretted it. She didn't need to hear that.
Q: What do you think you'll bring to the MinnMoms site as a 60-year-old mom?
A: I can see threads I would like to jump in and comment on, like when one mom was saying, 'When I get my six kids raised, I'm never going to push a swing or clean a diaper again.' I thought, 'That isn't going to happen' and maybe deep down, she knows that, too. But from my perspective, I know she will, many times. When they're out the door, it's not over.
Q: Now that your kids are grown, what's life like as an empty nester?
A: My husband and I love road trips. Now we are free to get in the car and just drive, even on a Sunday afternoon, just put the music on, take the back roads and head north. Neither of us are real talkers — we can go for hours without saying anything — just enjoying our McDonald's coffee and driving. We've started going down our list of places we want to visit — car trips, nothing exotic, but we want to see the United States. The Grand Canyon is next on our list.
Q: To be a mom is to be caught up in the moment — laundry, carpooling, homework, bedtime. With more time on your hands now, do you have any regrets as a mother looking back?
A: We've had our ups and downs like any family, especially in the teen-age years, but looking back, I wouldn't change anything. I'm just glad I'm not doing it now, with what you mothers have to face.
Q: You mentioned that the teen years were challenging. What exactly happened?
A: Our son was the creative type, he was into experiencing things, so the teen years were hard. When he got a small role in a play at the University of Wisconsin-River Falls in his freshman year of college, I was sitting in the audience, looking at the program, and read that the cast members were asked what they wanted to be. He said he wanted to be a porn star. I was sitting next to another mom I didn't know and she started laughing and said, 'Look what this boy wrote!' I said, 'Yep, that's my son.' That was pretty much the end of the conversation.
Q: Your son is now 30. Did he — um — realize his aspiration?
A: He did not become a porn star — at least as far as I know! I'm very proud of him — he is the director of two group homes and is a very compassionate person.
Q: We need to ask: How do you do it? You're a grandmother who pitches in with childcare, school pick-ups and you also work part-time.
A: My morning devotional time is really important. I'm an early riser, so I'm up at 4:30 or 5 every morning, which gives me at least an hour and a half to myself. I drink coffee, I read the paper and do my devotions. I find it sets the tone for the day. Since I've started doing this, it makes a big difference in how I face what comes each day. It helps put things in perspective. If something is on my mind, I can work through it with devotions and prayer so I'm starting the day in a good place and not just flying out the door already stressed and worried about things.
Q: What's your favorite possession?
A: My new car. We had been looking for a new vehicle to replace my 'grandma minivan.' So, in honor of my 60th birthday earlier this year, I got another grandma minivan, but this one is all black and has a sleek look to it. It's a Toyota Sienna and while we always have gotten basic cars, this one has a few more bells and whistles, like leather seats — the front ones have warmers in them. Those are really nice!
Q: So — what was it like turning 60?
A: You know, it's the one I've thought about the most. Turning 30, 40, 50 — none of those really registered with me. I didn't dread 60, but it does sound old to me. Even in today's culture, when they say 60 is the new 30 or 40. I'm a grandma, and I'm 60. That sounds old.
Q: How have you coped with this?
A: I got that new black van!
If you know of a mom — yourself or someone else — who you think should be profiled for "How She Does It," contact Molly Millett at mollymillett@pioneerpress.com or 651-228-5505.
