Let's take a time-out from time-outs. Kids are going to test our limits - it's in their job description. But instead of dreading how to respond, parents can seize the opportunity to create activities that are educational and engaging.
Yes, punishments can be fun.
Creativity expert, professor, father and former daycare provider Rustin Wolfe applies his scientific techniques to some of life's smallest - but most exasperating - problems every Tuesday at MinnMoms.com.
Here's one of his creative solutions:
Rock on!
Behavior: A boy is throwing gravel at public park.
Problem: It makes a mess, and worse, someone could get hurt. Why is it always the kid whose parent I can't find?
Solution: Make sure everyone's safe, and clean up the mess.
Activity: First, do what you have to do to stop the dangerous behavior. The boy should pick up the rocks that were thrown. He will struggle to find them all; let him. Then, he should clean up any additional out-of-place rocks even if they weren't thrown. Further, he could sort them. Kids will start out playing within the rules, but as they grow bored, they will begin testing the limits. If we give them a goal - how big a rock pile can you build, how many gold rocks can you find, how quickly can you clear the rocks off this square of sidewalk - they won't digress. But that requires a present adult.
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Childcare experience: As an undergraduate, Rustin worked as the lead teacher of a before/after school program. He has coached children of elementary age through college.
A month after he began working in daycare, Rustin knew something had to change or he'd burn out. The bad behavior was getting to him. Despite his good intentions, the kids kept breaking the rules. And he came to dread discipline.
So, that's precisely what he changed. Rustin decided to let go of the traditional time-out in favor of more creative punishments. He figured out how to - in a twisted sort of way - look forward to the next opportunity to come up with a novel consequence.
Rustin set up rules: the punishment had to be a logical consequence, it should try to undo the wrong that had been done, it should prioritize the facilitation of future behavior over punishing past behavior, and it shouldn't be intentionally boring.
Philosophy: Time-outs are for when we can't think of anything better. Every moment is a learning opportunity. Rustin challenges parents and caregivers - himself included - to ask themselves: How can we take advantage of the opportunities before us when a child misbehaves?
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