Let's take a time-out from time-outs. Kids are going to test our limits - it's in their job description. But instead of dreading how to respond, parents can seize the opportunity to create activities that are educational and engaging.

Yes, punishments can be fun.

Creativity expert, professor, father and former daycare provider Rustin Wolfe applies his scientific techniques to some of life's smallest - but most exasperating - problems weekly at MinnMoms.com.

Here's one of his creative solutions:

Color me bad

Question: Whenever we go out to dinner with our friends, their children run wild. Each time, we end up sharing our children's toys because they never bring any of their own. How can we get our friends to parent?

Behavior: Friends' kids running wild at dinner. But as you point out, the real behavioral issue is with the parents.

Problem: Parents not parenting. Wild kids could get hurt, hurt others, and set a bad example for your kids.

Solution: Model parenting for your friends. Show; don't tell. Lecturing other parents isn't likely to accomplish anything positive while modeling is a powerful teaching tool.

Activity: Include their kids in whatever you're doing with your kids. Remember, it's not the kids' fault. Restaurant crayons provide infinite possibilities, from drawing upon request to challenges to tic-tac-toe and hangman. I have a colleague who takes this one step further. He brings restaurant crayons

Advertisement
on business trips in case he ends up sitting next to an antsy child. Most harried parents are quite appreciative.

Want Rustin's solution for your child's challenging behavior? Post a question at MinnMoms Connect.

Read last week's problem and solution in the MinnMoms.com Expert Advice archive. Who is Rustin Wolfe? Education: Rustin Wolfe is an Associate Professor in the Doctor of Education in Leadership program at St. Mary's University of Minnesota. He received his Ph.D. and M.A. in Psychology from the University of Chicago, where he worked under Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of "Flow" and "Creativity." Rustin received his B.A. from the University of Wisconsin - Madison, with a major in Sociology and an individual major titled "Divergent Thought and Behavior." Rustin is a certified facilitator in Creative Problem Solving.

Childcare experience: As an undergraduate, Rustin worked as the lead teacher of a before/after school program. He has coached children of elementary age through college.

A month after he began working in daycare, Rustin knew something had to change or he'd burn out. The bad behavior was getting to him. Despite his good intentions, the kids kept breaking the rules. And he came to dread discipline. So, that's precisely what he changed. Rustin decided to let go of the traditional time-out in favor of more creative punishments. He figured out how to - in a twisted sort of way - look forward to the next opportunity to come up with a novel consequence.

Rustin set up rules: the punishment had to be a logical consequence, it should try to undo the wrong that had been done, it should prioritize the facilitation of future behavior over punishing past behavior, and it shouldn't be intentionally boring.

Philosophy: Time-outs are for when we can't think of anything better. Every moment is a learning opportunity. Rustin challenges parents and caregivers - himself included - to ask themselves: How can we take advantage of the opportunities before us when a child misbehaves?